Our
Stories
Sarah Maurer
(Updated 1/31/09)
Sometimes I find myself saying, "Thank you, MS!" Yes, I know that this seems unusual. Shouldn't I be cursing MS for all the trouble that it has caused me? I do that, too. But I have made incredible friends while on this journey. And I have found that my fellow MS'ers are an amazing bunch of strong fighters and I am proud to call them my friends.
In the beginning, MS turned my whole world upside down. I was living on my own, supporting my five-year-old son with no help. For me, this was a big deal. My son was born the same year I graduated high school. Most people assumed I would not be able to raise a child without "staying at home" with my parents. In 1998, he was five and I was living on my own and raising him, without any assistance. But then MS hit, and it took a physical toll on me suddenly and quickly. I experienced a series of debilitating attacks, one after the other, which affected my vision and left me numb and weak from the neck down. Suddenly I was at a point where I needed to depend on others.
The numerous episodes I was experiencing left me unable to work. I had no choice but to leave my apartment in Tennessee and return to Florida to move in with my mom. She worked at a hospital so she was able to get me an appointment with a neurologist. After several months of testing he confirmed the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. By then I already knew that was what I had and I just wanted someone to confirm it so that I could call it by name. (Let me clarify -- I didn't want to have MS but I was having so many odd and weird symptoms there was a part of me that was relieved that there was a legitimate reason for all the problems I was having.) The day I was diagnosed, I felt very relieved. I now knew I was not crazy - what I was feeling was real.
That relief only lasted a few hours. I went home and I went to bed, where I wanted to disappear beneath the covers and stay forever. Right away, I experienced a rough time between the depression, and the extremely overwhelming MS fatigue. I was so distraught, feeling as if this invader had robbed me of all my hard fought for independence. Understandably, I had with a great deal of depression and anxiety in the beginning. I made the emotional rounds with my diagnosis: fear, withdrawal, anger. Although emotionally I was in a rough state, I did one really good thing for myself -- and that was to begin drug therapy. I remember the doctor telling me that no matter what I did, beginning the injections to help fight the disease would be the best decision I made. He was right.
After some time on the medication, I began to feel better. My fatigue greatly improved and I began to feel a little positive about the future again. I also began to get angry. I thought, "How could this invader in my body have taken so much control of my life?" My message to the MS: "Okay you parasite, you found a host, but I am going to make it very hard for you to get your way with me! My life will go on and it will be happy and nothing you can do will stop it! I'll always find a way around you!" I also reached out and made friends, other mommies living with MS that I could relate to. Having friends to share also greatly lifted my spirits.
In the nearly eleven years since my diagnosis, I added two more sons to my brood. The littlest one was born in June 2007. I am happy with life right now. I'm not saying I'm perfect or my life is perfect - I still have my ups, my downs, my good days and my bad ones (and a constant struggle against the lure of chocolate cake). I've just decided to be a mighty fighter. And as long as I have a single ounce of energy to spare, I will try to help others as they also nagivate through this journey.
My goal is to bring friendship, information and happiness to others with the formation of M.S. Circle of Friends. Living with MS and trying to stay positive is hard enough. Shouldn't we enjoy the fun of friendship along the way?
My Family